Back to school

My high school reunion is taking place this week, the day after Thanksgiving. I know the standard thing to say is that I can't believe it's been 10 years, but actually, high school does feel like a LONG time ago. Now college, that I can't believe was 6 years ago, but then again I enjoyed college a lot more than high school too. Also, had more friends. Also, made jokes and drank more. [Note to self: investigate possible drinking/jokes/friends/enjoyment correlation. Also, check Nobel committee deadline.]

But anyway, I don't really know what to expect going into it. It's a cash bar, so right away we're starting off at a deficit. Plus, to make a personal confession, I was a bit of a nerd in high school. No, no, I know, but suspend your disbelief. Not at all what you'd expect to hear from a 28-year-old who blogs about comics and bad movies, of course, but the world is a strange place sometimes. To give my alma mater credit, there wasn't a ton of bullying or ostracization of smart kids, possibly because it was an academically competitive school where the cool kids were the smart kids, and our football team blew. Nonetheless, there were still nerds, and my specific dilemma was always that most of my friends were nerds, but I spent most of my non-school time doing sports. An outgoing person would have used that unique situation to become Ferris Bueller, but sadly I, sir, am no Ferris Bueller. The long and the short of it all became that while there were plenty of people I was friendly with and who were friendly to me, I didn't stay in touch with any of them past graduation. With the exception of three old classmates I reconnected with last year and met for drinks once, I'm going into this sucker completely cold.

However! That does give me the advantage that I'm actually much the better for wear a decade later. Obviously I don't wish misfortune on anyone, and I hope everyone's just as attractive as they were back then, if not more so. But candidly speaking, you and I both know that some of these people reached their physical peak in 1998 and it's been all downhill from there. Some of the guys are going to be fatter, some of the girls won't be as cute as I remember. Whereas I can honestly say that I've gone nowhere but up since then, and before you roll your eyes at my shameless self-flattery, allow me to clarify: there was a lot of room for improvement. I cannot fault a single one of my female classmates for never having dragged me under the bleachers or gotten lightheaded upon seeing me at swim practice. Acne + no muscles + an inexplicable attachment to long hair was not a good combination. Plus I didn't learn until college that if you say jokes out loud instead of just in your head, other people can enjoy them too. Funny, that.

Anyway, the long and the short of it is that in college I gained a few muscles, lost the acne, and finally (finally, finally, finally) in my senior year, ditched the quasi-mullet. THAT was a long time coming. So I'm looking forward to seeing what's what this weekend. I still don't expect any of the women to drag me into the coat closet, but at least now I can pretend that they're stopped from doing so solely by my wedding band and the incredibly cute pictures of my daughter that I'll be showing to everyone within reach. Other than that, we'll just hope no one remembers any embarrassing stories about me that I've managed to block out of my memory.

Oh, and my money's on "Glory Days" getting played within the first hour. Mark it down.