If you ain't first, you're last

A couple more random thoughts on Mario Kart Wii:

-One of the vehicles you can unlock in the game is a motorcycle shaped like a dolphin. It happens to be the type of bike one leans forward to drive, commonly known as a "crotch rocket." The game also features numerous characters to play as, some of them prominent members of the animal kingdom. Perhaps you see where this is going.

All I'll say is, if you can't appreciate the simple pleasure of watching a monkey humping a dolphin, it's possible you and I are very different people.


-Ann and I enjoy racing against each other, but we've recently decided that the game's team mode, in which you compete as a team with five other computer-controlled players, is definitely the way to go. That way if you lose, you have someone else to blame it on.

Me: Eff you, computer! I would have won the whole damn cup if not for these losers dragging me down!
Ann: You, uh... personally finished eighth in every race.
Me: Stupid team!


-Ann has a tendency to get especially frustrated when her computer teammates aren't performing to their fullest potential.

Ann: Look at that! Your guys got, like, five of the top six spots! What the hell, team?!
Me: Maybe it's a morale problem. They might have moral issues with their leader engaging in bestiality during races.
Ann: Learn to appreciate interspecies erotica and get your heads in the game!