Little Orphan Annie

So if you weren't aware, and odds are you weren't, the comic strip Little Orphan Annie finally came to a halt last month. The strip dates back to 1924 and was apparently limping along in fewer than 20 newspapers when it was finally put out of its misery. (20 newspapers? There are personal ads that appear in more than 20 newspapers.) Ordinarily I wouldn't care -- while I'm a fan in general of classic comics like Popeye, Dick Tracy, Peanuts, Pogo, etc., I've never read any of Annie's adventures. But I decided to read the very last installment just for the heck of it, to see how the writer (a newer guy, the creator having died decades ago) went about ending an 86-year-old strip. And the answer is... he didn't. Literally, the strip just stops mid-storyline. From what I can tell, Annie's gotten herself kidnapped by some terrorist who can't decide what to do with her, and Daddy Warbucks' servants are whispering that he's resigned himself to never seeing Annie again. After that, there's a single panel of text telling readers "And this is where we leave our Annie. For now--"

Which, what?! "For now"? You can get away with that crap if there's a decent chance the story actually WILL be continued somewhere. 24 didn't give us any real closure in its series finale, but that's because they were pretty sure they were going to get a movie deal. Veronica Mars did gave us an ending -- not a cheery one, but an ending -- because they knew it wasn't likely they were coming back. But Little Orphan Annie? From what I can tell, there is zero talk of bringing it back as a comic strip anytime soon. Why would there be? -- it's already shown it can't sustain profitability, and it's not like it was a critical darling that had a short but memorable run... this is a strip that ran for the better part of a century and whose best days are long, long behind it. Yes, there's talk of reviving the musical, but that's going to be its own story, its own continuity. If, IF they ever revived the comic strip (which probably wouldn't happen for years), it's pretty unlikely they'd give it back to the guy who -- fair or unfair -- showed he couldn't keep it going the first time around. And if IF they DID ask him to write it again, they'd want him to start fresh with a brand new storyline, not continue an old one that a grand total of 18 people were reading when it ended. (Yes, I know it was in 20 newspapers, but I assume many of those were just used for lining birdcages and making paper mache hats and so on.)

So, seriously -- what the hell, man? Don't tell me he didn't have time to wrap up the story. No. One, when your strip is that unpopular near the end, you have to see the writing on the wall. And two, even if they only gave him a couple of weeks' notice (which I doubt), that's still enough time to wrap up a storyline. Do you have to cut some corners? Sure. Will you get to include everything you wanted? No. Tough shit, it's your job. You're the sole designated writer of a once beloved character who, recent obscurity notwithstanding, has earned a place in the history books. You owe it to the few remaining readers to give the story, and the character, some closure. You want to go traditional, have a deus ex machina rescue and return Annie home just in time to hug Daddy Warbucks and Sandy, look at the readers, and thank them for a wonderful 86 years. Too cheesy? You want to go all St. Elsewhere? Fine- Annie wakes up and realizes her entire 86 years of adventures were all a dream, she's still stuck in an orphanage. Dark, but it's an ending. Y'know what's not an ending? "And this is where we leave our Annie. For now--"

Is this a stupid thing to complain about? Sure. But that doesn't change the fact that this guy seriously dropped the ball. Maybe he was just pissed at the strip ending, and this was a last little "eff you" to the people who made the decision to pull the plug. But if so, he drastically missed his target. Those guys, whoever they are, don't care. The only people this hurt were the fans, few though they may number. I'm not one of them, but on their behalf, I'm a little peeved. So screw you, Annie guy. I wouldn't hire you to write Marmaduke. (Maybe Family Circus.) Let's hope you never have to write a will, you'll end it, "I, being of sound mind and body, do hereby bequeath all of my worldly possessions to... no one. For now."

And if I'm wrong and there are definitive plans to revive Annie and continue this story in the near future? Well, I'll be astonished, but I'll take it all back. You'll forgive me if I don't hold my breath.