Of all the new experiences I've encountered since Molly was born four months ago, by far the most amusing has been Ann's ignorance of -- and steadfast refusal to learn -- the correct words to "Hush Little Baby." She can handle the first three and a half verses just fine, but anything after that, forget it... she's totally off the reservation. Where the humor comes in is that instead of just stopping the song there, she'll actually make up lyrics on the fly, like some kind of freestyling rapper trying to lull his daughter to sleep before the crowd boos him off stage. The following is a completely unedited transcription of what I heard her singing to Molly tonight after the squirt woke up crying from a bad dream:
Ann: And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass.
And if that looking glass should break,
Mama's gonna buy you a... garden rake.
And if that garden rake don't work,
Mama's gonna buy you a loin of pork.
Me: What the f-?!
Ann: And if that loin of pork's no good,
Mama's gonna bring you Little Red Riding Hood
And if Red Riding Hood runs away,
Mama will have to save it for another day.
Me: Okay, you need to stop now.
Give her credit, though- girl can improvise. I mean, "loin of pork"?
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